This was originally posted 2003-09-16. It's not there anymore and I've decided to repost it. This story is 100% pure fiction. David had no involvement in creating or posting this. A friend of mine did help me write it.
This is a sex story. If you don't like sex, don't read it. It's also a comedy, so if you don't like comedies don't read it. Also, if any of the characters resemble real people, that's purely a coincidence, so don't sue me.
If you do like it, you might also want to read my Worst Romance Story Ever.
Physics Is Fun
Once upon a time, Elliot danced around merrily in a grassy meadow in England. He was merry because England is such a merry place. But it was a hot day and Elliot soon tired. He sat under an apple tree where it was shady. He took his shirt off for use as a headrest against the rough bark. Sweat glistened on his cut chest, and he flexed his muscles, enjoying the freedom that came with the removal of his constricting shirt. Elliot was in a pleasant place, so he sat and mused on matters philosophical.
Suddenly, an apple fell from the tree, and landed but two feet from Elliot. It broke on the ground and juice splattered onto him. But it had more effect than just making Elliot sticky. It set him thinking about gravity!
A few minutes later, Elliot set off at a run. He absolutely had to tell David his insight. Moments later, he burst into David's living room. "I've got it!" he announced.
David was wearing a Tie-Dye shirt that said "Death To Sociobiologists" in red and purple letters. Obviously he wasn't expecting any other visitors that day. His shorts were short, white, plain. Totally boring. On the upside, he'd really let lose with some thong...sandals.
David's chiseled abs made bulges in his shirt, and his painted toenails added a glimmer of fashion. He had a strong chin with a dimple, like Sparticus. And his eyes were dreamy brown, the sort to lose yourself in.
"Got what, my dear boy?" asked David, looking up from his computer.
Elliot's eyes met David's. Time seemed to slow. Usually Elliot was careful to keep his eyes downcast to avoid this awkwardness, but in his haste he had forgotten himself. Mmmm. Elliot tried not to drool.
As Elliot gazed into David's eyes, David took in the sight before him. And with a bare chest, it was some sight! David saw the bit of sticky brown apple juice. And he saw Elliot's fit figure. He saw Elliot's cute belly button, and his sexy haircut. And he saw Elliot's eyes staring into his own. David tried to focus himself.
Eventually, Elliot came to himself and stammered out some words. "I did it! I united quantum physics and general relativity into a new theory of quantum gravity!"
David was shocked to his senses. This was an impressive feat that Elliot had accomplished. Not just impressive. Earth-shattering. One of the largest breakthroughs in physics history. Or at least it would be, if Elliot was right...
As Elliot waited for David to respond, he tried to avoid eye contact, so he kept his gaze downcast. The result was that he stared directly at David's crotch. He noticed the outline of David's cock on the thin shorts, and how the leg of the shorts rode up on one side revealing extra scrumptious leg.
"That's amazing!" David finally exclaimed. "But this is no place to talk. We better make ourselves comfortable in a nice, fluffy bed."
Elliot followed David warily, but David soon explained. "Distractions reduce the creativity available for the problem at hand," David began, "because they themselves require the use of some creativity. It is best to avoid them when one wants to focus. In a bed, one maximises his comfort, and therefore his creativity. It's really the best way to think."
It was a queen-sized bed, fit for a queen. It was covered with pink sheets and a matching pink comforter. Pink was, after all, David's favorite colour. The two men grabbed feather pillows (with pink pillowcases) and laid down luxuriously. "This bed is so soft," said Elliot.
"Soft like your skin," replied David. Elliot thought for a bit and replied, "I'm not sure. It's hard to tell if my skin or the bed is softer." Elliot rubbed the sheets and his body by turns, trying to decide.
As Elliot rubbed his bare chest and arms, David mused, "You know what this reminds me of? This one time in high-school we were doing a friction experiment, to see if stone or plastic wheeled cars would go down a wooden ramp faster. It turned out the plastic wheels had less friction because they were smoother. But I guess you're not plastic, stone or wood, and neither are the sheets, so this doesn't reveal the answer to your query."
"Well, I can't decide," said Elliot. "But speaking of friction experiments, I know another one. If a dick enters an ass abruptly, there is heavy friction thus damaging the ass. But if you use lubrication, it doesn't hurt at all. Also, if the dick is sufficiently small, like in the case of Dan, that would lower the level of friction."
"You're right," said David, "that's a good point. The reason the entering abruptly has more friction, is that there are two sorts of friction, static and dynamic. No matter what speed you go, you'll get dynamic friction. But, if you overcome all the static friction at once, it will be one painful burst. If you overcome it slowly, spread out over time, the average friction level will be lower."
"Wow, I never thought of that," exclaimed Elliot. "I'm sure that new knowledge will come in handy next time I seek an anal common preference."
"Well, we didn't come here to discuss friction," David pointed out. "You were going to tell me your new theory of quantum gravity. I can't wait to hear it, I'm so stimulated."
And so it came to pass that Elliot and David lounged on fluffy pink pillows, and talked of physics. As they reclined on the queen-sized bed, they only faced one sort of distraction, so their creativity was very well nurtured. As beds are a great place for physics, and also a great place for the other sort of distraction, one couldn't help but compliment David on his ideal setting selection.
Words flowed naturally from the intellectuals, like pre-cum from an aroused cock. But after some progress, words began to flow quickly, in spurts of brilliance, just as cum spurts from an oragasming cock. Then Elliot and David reached an epiphany of understanding, and glowed happily, like the afterglow of a man who had sex.
"I think I got the thrust of your theory," said David, "but I could use some hands on learning. Got any ideas to help?"
"Let me demonstrate my theory with a quick skit," Elliot answered. "Your ass is a well known quantum gateway, so let me just apply some gravity to my dick, and penetrate the gateway, thus combining quantumness and gravity into a unified whole."
"You're such a genius," David announced. "My skits are always so dull. I'm glad you invented a more exciting version that really draws the audience into the action. It's a nice breakthrough in educational technique"
"I'll educate your ass!" shouted Elliot.
"Not if I educate yours first!" shouted David. "I'm a master educator."
Elliot and David both tried to move behind each other at once. But the laws of physics intervened, and they collapsed on the bed, thwarted.
"Wait a tick! A thought strikes me," said David. "You know in The Fabric Of Reality where I talk about Cantgotu environments? Well, we're trying to get to a position that we can't go to. But I think I have a solution."
As David explained his idea, Elliot's eyes lit up with glee. "Oh, your intellect makes me so hot," said Elliot, "keep talking physics to me!"
"And so you see," continued David, "using your new theory of quantum gravity for some extra pull, and relying on the high density of our engorged cocks, I believe we can just manage to collapse into a Cantgotu environment."
It came as a surprise to no one that David had spoken truly. So soon enough Elliot and David were fucking each other's asses at the same time! It was a true testament to the power of new theories of physics.
Elliot's hard cock filled David up, and David moaned with pleasure. He never knew it could be this good. And in turn, David's cock filled Elliot up. He too never knew it could be this good. They pounded each other roughly.
It wasn't long before their breathing came faster, and their pleasure heightened. There's a reason we can't go to Cantgotu environments: they're so intense it's hard to take! Soon, Elliot and David shot buckets of jizz into each other's asses.
After their heart and ass pounding sex, they lay in bed in each other's arms, in a dreamy state of bliss.
"I'm glad you put your knowledge of friction to good use," whispered David, "my rectum thanks you for it."
"My pleasure," answered Elliot. "I'll be happy to apply physics knowledge with you anytime."
what is the point of this story? (besides being a joke)
You fantasize having sex with your mentor?
If you liked this story, you may also like this other story:
> what is the point of this story? (besides being a joke)
besides fun and humor: disrespecting taboos. freedom of speech. standing up to some restrictive societal rules about decorum. that kinda thing.
> You fantasize having sex with your mentor?
> besides fun and humor: disrespecting taboos. freedom of speech. standing up to some restrictive societal rules about decorum. that kinda thing.
South Park is my favorite TV show. Maybe thinking of it in that context will help people understand.
i don't spend my life standing up to cultural norms for the heck of it. i have other things to do. most of my writing has other focuses. but i also think it's good not to be scared of cultural norms (and good to actually act on this non-fear to test its reality, rather than just thinking you aren't scared but being unwilling to do it at all and maybe fooling yourself).
standing up to taboos a few times is also a good experiment to see what happens. in this case, almost nothing happened – no real blowback so far. but of course it may come up in the future if i run for office or get popular and make some enemies or something. i think it's bad to be scared of that, and bad to design your life way in advance to appease people in a potential future scenario (i also basically think it's bad to appease them *in* that scenario, so of course i'm against doing it in advance). i wrote some thoughts about this to challenge an alleged free speech activism forum that was actually full of cowards who were scared to say much in public: